Punch and Judy Script

Just a little something i knocked up to work on. Feel free to make any alterations you wish.

Act 1, scene 1


(Enter Judy)
Judy: Oh hello children, I did not see you there, I’m Judy
Children: Hello Judy
Judy: I’ve just made this lovely warm pie for my husband Punch. Would you like to try some?
Children: Yehhh
Judy: (Judy walks forward and drops the pie) Oh woops, I seem to have dropped this lovely pie. Mr. Punch will be very angry, don’t tell him will you children?
Children: Nooo…
Judy: I said, you won’t tell him will you children?
Children: Nooo!
Judy: Very well, shhh, I’ll just go and get a mop to clean it up with
(Exit Judy, Enter Punch)
Punch: (singing) My name is Punchinello
All dressed in red and yellow
I’m such a clever fellow
Rootitootitooit!
Rootitootitooit!
How de do de? I’m Mr. Punch
Children: Hello Mr. Punch
Punch: (Looks around) Where’s my wife Judy? Judy! Judy!
Judy: What is it Mr. Punch?
Punch: Judy how 'bout a kiss? Kissy! Kissy! Kissy!
Judy: No, Mr. Punch, you can’t have a kiss
Punch: I want a kiss now! You know how angry I get if I don’t get my kissy.
Judy: I know Mr. Punch, I know. Alright then but first I must blow my nose.
(Judy blows her nose on her apron. They then kiss in an exaggerated manner, spinning in circles etc.)
Judy: That’s enough, Mr. Punch
Punch: Where’s my pie then? (Directs audience) Do you know where my pie is?
Children: Nooo..
Punch: (Points to individual person in the audience) Do you know what happened to my pie?
Charlotte: It’s on the floor
Punch: Judy! Why is my pie on the floor!?
Judy: I’m sorry Mr. Punch I dropped it by accident.
Punch: That’s a very bad thing to do Judy. (Takes mop from Judy’s hand and starts hitting her with it.)
Judy: Ow! Ow! Ow! ( Judy moves to downstage left whilst being hit by Punch and finally slides off stage)
(Enter constable, Punch hides mop behind his back)
Constable: Ello. Ello. Ello. What’s going on ‘ere then? Mr. Punch have you been hittin’ Judy again?
Punch: Nooo..
Constable: Has he been hitting Judy, children?
Chidlren: Yeess
Punch: No, I haven’t
Constable: I’m sorry Mr. Punch I’m going to have to write this down in my notebook.
Judy: (Pops up) Help me, Constable
Punch: (Hits her back down again before Constable turns around)
Children: Laugh
Judy: (Pops up again)
Children: Look Constable look!
Punch: (Hits her back down before the Constable turns around)
(Repeat)
Constable: Right that’s all written up. Don’t let it happen again please, Mr. Punch. Do you promise?
Punch: (Nods)
Constable: Cheerio then.
Judy: Ow. that wasn’t a very nice thing to do Mr. Punch. (Babie cries) Now look you’ve gone and woken the baby up, I must go and look after him.
Punch: Hehehehe (Punch laughs)
Judy: (Quickly returns and thrusts the baby into Punch’s arms) Here you are, Mr. Punch, I want you to look after the baby, I must go and make another pie. Make sure you don’t wake him.
(Exit Judy)
Punch: (Puts baby down downstage left and goes back over to downstage right) Walky, Walky, Walky. ( He looks at the baby but it doesn’t move)
Punch: Walky, walky, walky (He walks toward the baby clapping his hands, When the baby doesn't respond he does it again this time walking along the play board with his hands as if to show the baby what to do.)
Punch: Walky, walky, walky
Punch: Stupid baby! ( Punch kicks it to the other side of the stage and it starts crying)
Punch: Where’s the baby? Where’s the baby? (He picks it up) What? What a noisy baby! (He starts banging it on the stage) Quiet baby! Noisy, naughty baby!
Children: (laugh)
Judy: (From offstage) Have you woken the baby, Mr. Punch?
Punch: (Throws the baby into the crowd where one of the children catches it)
That’s the way to do it! Roottitoottitooit!
Judy: (Enter Judy looking for the baby. She looks around the side, over the edge and even up in the air. Punch is looking very sheepish at the side of the booth.)
Judy: Mr Punch. Where is the baby? What’s happened to the baby?
Punch: He was such a noisy baby
Judy: Mr. Punch, what have you done with the baby?
Punch: He went walky,walky, walky and fell out the window. [Punch uses his hands to mime the walky action along the stage.]
Punch: Where’s my pie?
Judy: It’s just here Mr. Punch (Judy reaches behind her and has another pie)
Punch: (Smashes the pie to the floor) I don’t want pie anymore. I want sausages.
Children: (laugh)
(Punch and Judy exit with Punch hitting and kicking Judy)